#2 Twenty-Six
Well, the website is up, the book and bookmarks and prints are up. And on the same day that I turned 26 — 9/9.
26 feels so impressive to me. It feels feminine, truly. To age another year, on the same day that I made my poetry book available and accessible to the world, feels like the mightiest weight has been lifted from my back. Like my eyes can flutter closed and open instead of feeling forced. Like my past is a stone from my collection I've allowed myself to give away. And I did, I got rid of my favorite rocks from when I was young. They were heavy and took a different shape in my space over time than intended. Sharing is a part of this healing process after all. I gave away enough to change. And, if you ever knew me, no you didn’t.
I turn 26 this year feeling more mature than ever. I’ve always felt like a baby. Not for any lack of responsibility, but because my youthful spirit leads me through most days. Until the end of my 25th year I felt like I was still 22. And until the end of my 24th year, I felt like I was still 18. There was a limbo year at 23 where I was able to finally settle into being a college graduate, being in a long term romantic relationship, living at home and finally having a free schedule. Totally off the clock. For a long time I never felt my age, and I think that’s a beautiful luxury. I think older people would probably agree that it's easy to not know what being 22 should feel like, except for young. —To them it's far away and is usually tied to a feeling of longing. It once was there and now its 30 years later, way too fast. That luxury remains as I love feeling the sense of responsibility that has come with all of my growth from the last 3 years. It’s quite a relief, to be honest, to finally feel this mature emotionally. I’ve noticed I’m more decisive, level-headed, and balanced. After all, the entire journey that writing my poetry book took me on was in search of balance. Friendships feel rewarding because love feels mutual, even while we’re distant. And please, know that my scattered brain on a good day will always think of you while simultaneously not even considering that a phone exists. The love remains and I’m grateful that my loved ones know this.
I recently found photos from my 11th birthday party. I invited my best friends over for a Hello Kitty themed birthday celebration in the dining room of my mom’s house. Hello Kitty cake, plates and cups, hello kitty party hats. And a big ol jumper in the backyard. I was wearing a red spaghetti strap tank top from Forever 21, and a very short pair of faded black denim shorts with silver studs on the pockets from Hot Topic. The shorts were my favorite. That was 15 years ago. None of this had ever won a position in my recurring memories until I saw the photos again.
This year to celebrate, I wanted to keep things relaxed and chill. I took 3 days off work and decided on the 7th that I would have a picnic on the 8th. I wanted to have my friends come together in a way that wasn't at a dinner table and wasn’t at a bar. Interactive but still wholesome and relaxing. It’s so easy to take birthdays too seriously, and while anything can stress me out, a picnic takes the pressure off a bit. Kevin suggested a jumper because he knows how much I love them ;’) 10 online searches and 5 phone calls in, we found a place that could service us the following day. And viola, we had Hello Kitty’s house at the picnic party. A girly picnic with way too many snacks and drinks. Laying in the grass under the sun. Gentle conversation, gentle background music. I felt like a little girl, wearing a big and long red and white gingham print dress, with an outfit change into short shorts and a tank top to jump around the jumper in. I reminisce on my childhood too much, but this was my way of bringing that feeling back. A reminder that I can always feel that same carefree youth, in any moment I desire, when I do what makes me the happiest and lean away from the unnecessary pressure.
I spent the day of my birthday at a tea house for breakfast, publishing my website, and jumping in my sister’s pool over and over again. Which was exactly what I was craving: relaxation and family time.
— Love 4ever, Infinity
Photos by Johanna Recinos <3
